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Tennessee vs The Maxims vs Vanderbilt

In the movie “A Bridge Too Far” there is a scene where Field Marshal Gerd von Runstedt has been named to command the German forces in the west and try to salvage the situation after the American, British and Canadian armies had broken out of Normandy and swept across France.  Runstedt was by far the oldest German field commander. As he arrives he inquires of the staff about the status of his armies' tanks, infantry, reserves, fuel, ammunition and morale.  The answer to each question, “Minimal.”  As Rundstedt makes a pained face, one bright spark on the staff pipes up that the army is quite delighted to have him in command as, “You've never lost a battle!”  Rundstedt looks at him sternly then cracks into a wry smile and says, “I'm still young, give me time!”

In reality Rundstedt did salvage some of the situation, but it was due more to Allied supply problems and British Field Marshal Montgomery's bone-headed attempt to cross the Rhine in September 1944 (the subject of the movie) than to anything Rundstedt or his armies achieved.  

So it was Saturday.  In reality, Tennessee should have won that game by thirty-five.  Or an equally valid argument can be made that they should have lost by fourteen.  Go figure.

After putting up Manning-esque numbers against Tiger High and the the Ole Miss CareBears, it was understandable that Vol fans expected more great things out of freshman quarterback Tyler Bray against the hapless Common-whores.  They forgot that this time last year he was still basking in the glow of having snagged his high school's Homecoming Queen for the Big Dance.  

He's still a freshman.  There are flashes of greatness in his play.  There are also times when Head Vol Derek Dooley wishes Bray were a sophomore or junior with a couple of seasons as an understudy against Division 1 (or whatever it's called this week) opposition.  In the meantime, we Vol Faithful should just sit back and enjoy watching a supremely gifted young man learn how to be a quarterback in the SEC by attending the School of Hard Knocks, which hands out the most meaningful degrees in the whole American educational system.

The Vols still hold outdoor football practice on Upper Hudson Field as they have since the Big Boom. There are scoreboards, timers, and towers for the coaches and film crews. Tennessee also has an indoor practice facility that boasts a regulation football field complete with goalposts.  Vanderbilt's football practice field is about 70 yards long and is also marked off for soccer.

... and there you go.

So how did the team do compared to the Maxims?

1. The team that makes the fewest mistakes will win.  
The two teams combined for more mistakes than plays.  I'm not sure how they did that, but they did.  In the end I think Vanderbilt's fatal error is - and has been since the 1930's - playing an SEC schedule with Division II talent.  In an earlier iteration of this column I stated that Vanderbilt really needs to be adjourned from the SEC for their own good and to enhance the level of competition in the conference.  I stand by that,  2005 notwithstanding.

2. Play for and make the breaks. When one comes your way … SCORE!  
Face it, if the Vols score on Gerald Williams' interception instead of falling victim to a bone-headed roughing the passer call, we're discussing yet another 50+ point blowout.

3. If at first the game – or the breaks – go against you, don’t let up … PUT ON MORE STEAM!  
Vol running back Tauren Poole wins the Orange Heart award for Saturday night.  Vol Offensive Co-ordinator Jim Chaney went into a shell after a couple of Bray miscues and repeatedly slammed Poole into a Vandy defense that put twenty or thirty guys in the box.  Jim Chaney wins the “I'm a Gutless OC” award for ignoring the above situation where it was abundantly clear the 'Dores were teed up for a play-action pass.

4. Protect our kickers, our quarterback, our lead and our ballgame.
Three names: Gerald Williams, Tauren Poole and Janzen Jackson.

5. Ball! Oskie! Cover, block, cut and slice, pursue and gang tackle … THIS IS THE WINNING EDGE.  
Prentiss Waggner is going to be a dandy. Yes he is.  I didn't mention Nick Reveiz for the Orange Heart but, then, he earns it every time he steps on the field.

6. Press the kicking game.  Here is where the breaks are made.  
Can the Vols not find somebody – ANYBODY – who can field a punt???  When the Vol faithful are cheering a successful fair catch you have problems.

7. Carry the fight to Vanderbilt and keep it there for sixty minutes.
Time of possession was even. The Vols had the ball exactly sixteen seconds longer than Vandy.  The Vol defense played its heart out for the thirty minutes (OK, twenty-nine minutes and forty-four seconds) it was on the field.  The offense only managed about ten.  

But it was enough.

Both the TV commentators and Bob Kesling credited the Vandy defense with the Vols' offensive troubles.  Color me unconvinced.  Like Rundstedt, I think they benefited far more from Tennessee's miscues and mistakes than from anything they did on purpose.

Former Vol great Joe Thompson once noted, “At the end of the day, they're still Vanderbilt... and we're still TENNESSEE!”

Indeed.

MAXOMG

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